Jokes
מקבץ בדיחות ואמרות מצחיקות מפה ומשם...
“Behind every great man is a woman with a hostage.”
- Jim Kinloch (comedy writer)
“Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. And monkey’s do too – if they have a gun.”
- Eddie Izzard (read Eddie Izzard Comedy God)
Police arrested two kids yesterday: one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other off.
- Tommy Cooper
“Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.”
- George Burns
Why do seagulls live near the sea? Because if they lived near the bay, they’d be called bagels.
- Unknown
“I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.”
- Steven Wright (read 10 Steven Wright one-liners)
“What’s black and white and eats like a horse? – A Zebra.
- Unknown
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.”
- Jackie Mason
“Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.”
- Rita Rudner
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
- Bob Monkhouse
“I call my lawyer and say, ‘Can I ask you two questions?’ He says, ‘What’s the second one?’”
- Henny Youngman
Recent research has shown that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.
- Unknown
A man went into a chemist’s shop and said ‘Have you got anything for laryngitis?’. And the chemist said
‘Good morning sir. What can I do for you?’
- Unknown
A friend said to me: “I can never do the Welsh accent properly. Every time I try it, it sounds like Pakistani”.
I said: ”You’ll just have to try harder, Tariq”.
- Unknown
“I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman’s voice said,
‘What the hell are you doing with your life?’”
- Demetri Martin
“These are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.”
- Groucho Marks
“If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?”
- Billy Connolly
