Jokes
מקבץ בדיחות ואמרות מצחיקות מפה ומשם...
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
Boy and girl: asked the teacher very important question?
"can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!
Mother said to the father "please have a word our son, I found a stack of porno magazines under his bed."
The father walks into the son's bed room "Son you must stop looking at porno magazines, they'll make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad".
They say milk gives you strength. Drink 10 glasses of milk and try to move a wall. You cant.
Drink 10 shots of Vodka and it moves by itself.
Job interview:
"What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a f*ck what you think."
Wife: What's that beeping?"
Me: "That's my seat belt alarm."
Wife: "How can you ignore something so annoying?"
Me: "Huh?"
I hate it when couples have a little fight and then change their Facebook status to "single". I fight with my parents, and don't change my status to "orphan".
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Constipated people don't give a shit
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of countries not talking to each other.
I'm so excited this girl said I was the one. I'm sure the other guys in the police lineup are jealous.
There are 5 things I hate:
1. People who make lists
2. Racists
3. Asians
4. Hypocrites
7. People who can't count.
The only thing I use BING for is to search Google.
I just got my boyfriend a 'get better soon' card.
He isn't sick, I just think he can get better.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Wife: I am going to Brazil. What gift do you want?
Husband: A Brazilian girl.
Wife: Alright.
(Wife returns to USA)
Husband: Where's my gift?
Wife: Wait 9 months.
you: your abcdefghijk
girl: whats that?
you: adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fascinating, gorgeous, and hot
girl: aww thanks, but what's ijk?
guy: im just kidding
I don't always have time to study, but when I do, I don't.
Yawning is your bodies way of saying 20% battery remaining.
