Jokes

Old tiny jokes...

 

 

"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend.  

"I gave a poor beggar $25."

"Thats a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did you

husband say?"

"He said, 'Thank you'. "

 

 

 

 In the midst of a quarrel, the wife bitterly yelles at her husband,

"I was such a fool when I married you."

 

 Retorts her husband :"That's so true,

But I was in love and didn't notice."

 

 

 

Q: What's the difference between men and pigs?

A: Pigs don't turn into men when they're drunk!

 

 

 

 

 I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That

 must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

 David Bissonette

 

 

 

 

 I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.

 Noel Coward,  1956

 

 

 

 A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

 Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

 

 

 I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the  house.

 Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

 

 

 

 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let  him keep her.

 Sacha Guitry

 

 

 

 

 She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before  she finds one.

 Oscar Levant,  to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee

 

 

 

 

 Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in  Europe.

 Jackie Mason

 

 

 

 

 Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in,

 and those inside desperate to get out.

 Montaigne

 

 

 

 

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get  married?" 

The father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still  paying for it."

 

 

 

 

A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The  bum said, "No." 

The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." 

Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

 

 

 

 

 GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY: My wife is just as beautiful as when I  married her 20 years ago. 

Now it just takes her longer.

 

 

 

 

 Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me

 and my second one didn't.

 

 

 

 

 How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 One...men will screw anything

 

 

 

 

 Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

 Because they don't have balls to scratch

 

 

 

 

 What's a man's idea of foreplay?

 A half hour of begging.

 

 

 

 

 What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

 E.T. phoned home

 

 

 

 

 What did God say after he created man?

 I can do better than this

 

 

   

 

 The length of a minute depends on which side of a bathroom door

 you're standing on.

 

 

 

 

 How are men and parking spots alike?

 The good ones are taken and the left are handicapped.

 

   

 

Use me well and keep me clean and I won't say what I have seen!     כתובת בשירותים במוצב דובדבן...